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Silly, Sad & True

by Stephen Simmons

Poor & Horny 03:37
POOR & HORNY I went down to my show that night I was 10 days on the road It didn't go the way I planned At least not the way that I hoped But she came in at a quarter till 10 And I swear she never heard the 1st note But she lifted my spirits till I realized again I was 2,000 miles from home Chorus: When your poor and horny And you ain't got nuthin' to lose You can't buy a piece of ass Not a sandwhich or a bottle of booze When your poor and horny You're just screwed It's just the Midwest 13 hours at best In my little ole silver van There's a girl out there with the long brown hair But she just don't understand Was a little club downtown but it's all closed down now That's why she don't see her guitar man But now my cards are maxed out and I'm feeling no doubt It's gonna cramp my Cornhusker romance Chorus I get letters from a girl abroad She seals them with a red lipstick kiss and a hint of her perfume Ten pages long and pictures that are only For my eyes to view I ain't got the bread but still she questions what I said She questions my desire but man it's the truth The flesh is willing and man it's really killing me That I can't get there too soon Chorus ~Stephen Simmons Shiny Geode Music / SESAC
DRAMA KINGS & QUEENS You don’t look like the type a girl Who could get sweep off her feet But here you are with your feet above the ground At least six fuckin’ feet It makes me feel so goddamn bad Ain’t sleep in half a week Guess when I swept you I fell too Cause I ain’t been right since that week Chorus: Mother nature revealed herself to Be a fucking drama queen And I revealed myself to be Some sort of fucked up king Oh everybody’s got something wrong with ‘em It’s up to you how much you can take And I ain’t found that spot yet babe So it’s up to me when to say I guess I had things pegged right For your feet finally found the ground Now I’m the only one floating up here babe Like the only bird in town But there’s a beautiful flock of some kinda fowl In a pattern up in the sky I guess I must be of the same feather Cause I keep drifting higher Chorus I always thought I was so even keel Kept my emotions intact But I found out last night that babe I just keep them fuckers in a sack So you go east and I’ll head west And we’ll meet up somewhere in between With directions like that babe There ain’t no way I won’t see you on my street Chorus ~Stephen Simmons Shiny Geode Music / SESAC
ONLY ONE FOR ME I meet you in July I was playing in a bar Somewhere in Carolina Maybe Asheville, no it was Charlotte There were only five people in that Bar watching me The soundman, the opening band The bartender and you alone there in your seat But you were the only one for me Chorus: The only one for me The one true love I’ve always dreamed And she feels the same it’s clear to see The only one for me You got that restraining order On your old boyfriend So we took off and your Mama promised Not to tell him where we went By October we were looking over Houses in the classified ads By Turkey day, I knew there was no way You wouldn’t drive me mad But you were the only one for me Chorus Autumn’s turning leaves In the South are something to see In December moved you into your own place But broke up before we decorated a tree Then we got back together Later on New Year’s Eve You bought a one way ticket to the Caribbean And that’s the last that I think I’ve seen Of the one true love for me Chorus Words and music by Stephen Simmons ©copyright secured all rights reserved Shiny Geode Music, SESAC
TALKING PREHISTORIC BLUES They say I got too much dopamine and not enough serotonin And here it is all this time I thought it was sins was atonin' But now they say they got a little white pill That can cure all my ills It's got something to do with human evolution And getting away from a giant Sabretooth Now it's too much stimulation it seems For the stress the modern day man really needs Chorus: Fight or Flight Wrong or Right I'm a hanging out over the edge Trying to sort out all this crazy ole mess in my head Well my ex-girlfriend I could never figure out She was up one day and then she was down And buddy when she was blue You'd better believe I was too I guess at one time I took all that kinda hard You know, the driving me crazy, the drama and the breaking my heart But in retrospect it was either God’s fault Or she was dating a Neandertal Chorus We got a pill for this and a pill for that But this one shuts down your bowels and this one makes you fat What happened to just drinking too damn much You know the classic crutch? Oh well I guess it's just the New Age Still got the prehistoric blues livin' in better caves Where these days dealing with the opposite sex Feels like facing a hungry T-Rex Chorus words and music by Stephen Simmons copyright secured / Shiny Geod Music / SESAC
Crutches 03:40
CRUTCHES Well I drink beer with my eggs for breakfast And corn liquor with my lunch every time And a cheap merlot wine With my dinner every night As I drift off to sleep Sipping crown as I close my eyes So there baby I said it guess I drink’s a little But girl just what’s an ole lonely boy to do When you can’t go to her and you can’t stand the moon Looking down so knowing and wise All the bootleggers are out on the corner tonight And they’re fighting with the hookers for the real-estate primetime A man could get drunk Or a man could get laid And as I lay down my body and my bottle Don’t know which crutch to take Chorus: So it’s beer with my breakfast And corn liquor at lunchtime And wine with my dinner And crown when I close my eyes Yeah baby since you left me Guess I drink's a little Baby you use your crutch And I’ll use mine There you are in the bar with your friends They circle around you as if wagons were chairs But I’m ready this time Baby you use your crutch and I’ll use mine Chorus Words and music by Stephen Simmons
I DON’T LIKE YOU TOO I don’t like springtime when the days get long I don’t like sweet and easy to sing along songs And I don’t like that life ends too soon In fact I don’t like anything you do And I don’t like you too I don’t like cookouts with the family in the summertime Dog’s and cold beer, and the water in the lake is just right And I don’t like drinking my Grandma’s sweet tea cause it hurts my tooth when I do In fact I don’t like anything you do And I don’t like you too I don’t like how the leaves turn in the fall Don’t like how the nights get so cool and calm I don’t like football cause I never was any good in school In fact I hate everything about you Cause I don’t like you too And I don’t like that things keep changing Just one-time can’t things stay the same I don’t like how it feels when you kiss me and it tingles in my toes And I don’t like how your skin feels so soft this close And I don’t like that you could make me your fool In fact I don’t like anything you do And I don’t like you too Words and music by Stephen Simmons
STOLEN BABY ELEPHANT (INCIDENT AT THE ST. LOUIS ZOO) Many deeds have I done To win a fair lady’s love Many castles I’ve stormed Slayed dragons as big as there ever was I was cocky and brash No challenge of which this proud Knight was scared But a baby elephant from the St. Louis Zoo Was my Maiden’s bizarre double-dog-dare Chorus: Now I’m in a Missouri jail With a sign o’er my cell “Here lays the low-down, baby elephant thief, sorry as Hell They say I like big ears and long tails Trunks, and the Elephant Man himself No jury believed that I fell Under an elephant crazy young Maiden’s spell If you love me you’ll find a way Or don’t come back to this house If you come back sans my sweet pet you’ll sleep on the couch Shed no tear for me For I loved 5 whole nights and days Up till the police finally came And hauled me and my little floppy eared friend away Chorus Words and music by Stephen Simmons ©copyright secured all rights reserved Shiny Geode Music, SESAC
OKALOOSA COUNTY Well Okaloosa County how ya been? Bet you never thought you’d see me again Hey there Craig you gonna eat them beans? If you ain’t would you pass ‘em to me Drove all night heading for the beach But son of a bitch it’s outta reach The girls are too young and I’m a little too old The ocean looks good, but the water’s too cold Chorus: But hey I hope they love me tonight I’m pouring out my heart and tryin’ to make it rhyme And hey I hope she holds me tonight I’m throwing out my best lines and I hope they work this time There’s a painting of a monkey with a guitar in his hand In the shack where they house they band It’s a freaky looking thing when I’m all geeked out When the herb and the booze are a little too stout Chorus I think it’s ‘bout time we end this song Yeah Okaloosa County that didn’t take too long I gotta get a shower and get my drink on It’s almost show time and I’m still stoned Chorus Words and music by Stephen Simmons / Dave Coleman SESAC Shiny Geode Music ©copyright secured all rights reserved
CAPE OF GOOD HOPE Last night I drove down To the Cape of Good Hope Parked my car by the water Parked my butt on that coast And I don’t know what makes A good man go bad Makes a man full of hope Lose whatever he had Chorus: The stars are all out in their wonderful stead The man in the moon is scratching his head Just gonna sit here and suck some a this good hope in Then I’ll be on my way again Last night I drove down To that ole Baffin Bay But the water was cold So I had to make haste Thought this time things were different Thought my luck had changed But ain’t no ships in this harbor None for me anyways Chorus: The stars are all out in their wonderful stead The man in the moon is scratching his head I’m just gonna sit here in my baffling state Then again I’ll be on my way Last night I drove down To the king of the Great Lakes But something so Superior Was hard for a little guy like me to take Well the Earth’s three-fourths water My teacher said in eighth grade And there’s an ounce of water For everyone of my mistakes Chorus: The stars are all out in their wonderful stead The man in the moon is scratching his head I’m just gonna sit here feel this stiff lake wind Then I’ll be on my way again Words and music by Stephen Simmons
EVERYTHING'S JUST RIGHT Drivers in Atlanta Make me crazy Coffee when it's luke warm Ain't got no flavor But everything's just right about you Yeah everything's just right about you Drive thru's when it's all wrong Just makes you feel screwed Polk salad if it's cooked wrong They say can kill you But everything's just right about you Yeah everything's just right about you Music in the wrong key Can make you wanna smack your Granny Ball-games when it's cold out Are better on the T.V. But everything's just right about you Yeah everything's just right about you Sad songs when they're sung right Will make you grab your hanky Little ones when they're cranky Will make you not want babies But everything's just right about you Yeah everything's just right about you But a good song and a stiff drink Would make you high-five Satan But I'm sure that would probably Piss off your Maker But everything's just right about you Yeah everything's just right about you words & music by Stephen Simmons © Shiny Geode Music / SESAC


This is a collection of songs I've written over the years that never quite fit any album project. They are songs that I wanted to share someday, when it made sense to me. Looking through my back catalogue I had seen a theme emerge with this collection of tunes (some date back ten years ago, some are more recent) and started to see them as an album. The difference between Silly and Sad is a very fine line; and sometimes truly you have to laugh or you'd cry.

I went into the studio with my touring & music making partner Dave Coleman in February 2014 and over a couple of afternoons recorded these tracks. We wanted it to be immediate & fresh, not over thought or produced. So I played them live a few times till a take felt right and then he added various accompanyment to them and mixed them and that was that. Alex McCollough at Yes Master did the mastering engineering.

I hope you enjoy them.


*This album is only being released as a Digital Download.


released July 8, 2014

Stephen Simmons: vocals, acoustic guitar
Dave Coleman: harmony vocals, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, multi-chord guitar, baritone guitar, bass, mandolin

Produced by Stephen Simmons
Recorded, Engineered and Mixed by Dave Coleman
at Howard's Apartment Studio
Mastered by Alex McCollough at Yes Master, Nashville, TN

Cover Photo and Design by Stephen Simmons
Additional Graphic Editing by Adam Pinney


all rights reserved



Stephen Simmons Nashville, Tennessee

Stephen Simmons was raised in the small town of Woodbury, Tennessee. As a songwriter and Ten years as a Road Dog, Stephen’s vision has grown to entail more than just reflections of rural America. Stephen’s records (which were compared to everyone from Johnny Cash to Ryan Adams) combine virtuosic songcraft and musicianship with unparalleled artistic honesty. ... more

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