Silly, Sad & True

by Stephen Simmons



This is a collection of songs I've written over the years that never quite fit any album project. They are songs that I wanted to share someday, when it made sense to me. Looking through my back catalogue I had seen a theme emerge with this collection of tunes (some date back ten years ago, some are more recent) and started to see them as an album. The difference between Silly and Sad is a very fine line; and sometimes truly you have to laugh or you'd cry.

I went into the studio with my touring & music making partner Dave Coleman in February 2014 and over a couple of afternoons recorded these tracks. We wanted it to be immediate & fresh, not over thought or produced. So I played them live a few times till a take felt right and then he added various accompanyment to them and mixed them and that was that. Alex McCollough at Yes Master did the mastering engineering.

I hope you enjoy them.


*This album is only being released as a Digital Download.


released July 8, 2014

Stephen Simmons: vocals, acoustic guitar
Dave Coleman: harmony vocals, electric guitar, acoustic guitar, multi-chord guitar, baritone guitar, bass, mandolin

Produced by Stephen Simmons
Recorded, Engineered and Mixed by Dave Coleman
at Howard's Apartment Studio
Mastered by Alex McCollough at Yes Master, Nashville, TN

Cover Photo and Design by Stephen Simmons
Additional Graphic Editing by Adam Pinney


all rights reserved



Stephen Simmons Nashville, Tennessee

Stephen Simmons was raised in the small town of Woodbury, Tennessee. As a songwriter and Ten years as a Road Dog, Stephen’s vision has grown to entail more than just reflections of rural America. Stephen’s records (which were compared to everyone from Johnny Cash to Ryan Adams) combine virtuosic songcraft and musicianship with unparalleled artistic honesty. ... more


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Track Name: Poor & Horny

I went down to my show that night
I was 10 days on the road
It didn't go the way I planned
At least not the way that I hoped

But she came in at a quarter till 10
And I swear she never heard the 1st note
But she lifted my spirits till I realized again
I was 2,000 miles from home

When your poor and horny
And you ain't got nuthin' to lose
You can't buy a piece of ass
Not a sandwhich or a bottle of booze
When your poor and horny
You're just screwed

It's just the Midwest 13 hours at best
In my little ole silver van
There's a girl out there with the long brown hair
But she just don't understand

Was a little club downtown but it's all closed down now
That's why she don't see her guitar man
But now my cards are maxed out and I'm feeling no doubt
It's gonna cramp my Cornhusker romance


I get letters from a girl abroad
She seals them with a red lipstick kiss and a hint of her perfume
Ten pages long and pictures that are only
For my eyes to view

I ain't got the bread but still she questions what I said
She questions my desire but man it's the truth
The flesh is willing and man it's really killing me
That I can't get there too soon


~Stephen Simmons
Shiny Geode Music / SESAC
Track Name: Drama Kings and Queens

You don’t look like the type a girl
Who could get sweep off her feet
But here you are with your feet above the ground
At least six fuckin’ feet
It makes me feel so goddamn bad
Ain’t sleep in half a week
Guess when I swept you I fell too
Cause I ain’t been right since that week

Mother nature revealed herself to
Be a fucking drama queen
And I revealed myself to be
Some sort of fucked up king
Oh everybody’s got something wrong with ‘em
It’s up to you how much you can take
And I ain’t found that spot yet babe
So it’s up to me when to say

I guess I had things pegged right
For your feet finally found the ground
Now I’m the only one floating up here babe
Like the only bird in town
But there’s a beautiful flock of some kinda fowl
In a pattern up in the sky
I guess I must be of the same feather
Cause I keep drifting higher


I always thought I was so even keel
Kept my emotions intact
But I found out last night that babe
I just keep them fuckers in a sack
So you go east and I’ll head west
And we’ll meet up somewhere in between
With directions like that babe
There ain’t no way I won’t see you on my street


~Stephen Simmons
Shiny Geode Music / SESAC
Track Name: Only One For Me

I meet you in July
I was playing in a bar
Somewhere in Carolina
Maybe Asheville, no it was Charlotte

There were only five people in that
Bar watching me
The soundman, the opening band
The bartender and you alone there in your seat
But you were the only one for me

The only one for me
The one true love I’ve always dreamed
And she feels the same it’s clear to see
The only one for me

You got that restraining order
On your old boyfriend
So we took off and your Mama promised
Not to tell him where we went

By October we were looking over
Houses in the classified ads
By Turkey day, I knew there was no way
You wouldn’t drive me mad
But you were the only one for me


Autumn’s turning leaves
In the South are something to see
In December moved you into your own place
But broke up before we decorated a tree

Then we got back together
Later on New Year’s Eve
You bought a one way ticket to the Caribbean
And that’s the last that I think I’ve seen
Of the one true love for me


Words and music by Stephen Simmons
©copyright secured all rights reserved
Shiny Geode Music, SESAC
Track Name: Talking Prehistoric Blues

They say I got too much dopamine and not enough serotonin
And here it is all this time I thought it was sins was atonin'
But now they say they got a little white pill
That can cure all my ills

It's got something to do with human evolution
And getting away from a giant Sabretooth
Now it's too much stimulation it seems
For the stress the modern day man really needs

Fight or Flight
Wrong or Right
I'm a hanging out over the edge
Trying to sort out all this crazy ole mess in my head

Well my ex-girlfriend I could never figure out
She was up one day and then she was down
And buddy when she was blue
You'd better believe I was too

I guess at one time I took all that kinda hard
You know, the driving me crazy, the drama and the breaking my heart
But in retrospect it was either God’s fault
Or she was dating a Neandertal


We got a pill for this and a pill for that
But this one shuts down your bowels and this one makes you fat
What happened to just drinking too damn much
You know the classic crutch?

Oh well I guess it's just the New Age
Still got the prehistoric blues livin' in better caves
Where these days dealing with the opposite sex
Feels like facing a hungry T-Rex


words and music by Stephen Simmons
copyright secured / Shiny Geod Music / SESAC
Track Name: Crutches

Well I drink beer with my eggs for breakfast
And corn liquor with my lunch every time
And a cheap merlot wine
With my dinner every night
As I drift off to sleep
Sipping crown as I close my eyes

So there baby I said it guess I drink’s a little
But girl just what’s an ole lonely boy to do
When you can’t go to her and you can’t stand the moon
Looking down so knowing and wise

All the bootleggers are out on the corner tonight
And they’re fighting with the hookers for the real-estate primetime
A man could get drunk
Or a man could get laid
And as I lay down my body and my bottle
Don’t know which crutch to take

So it’s beer with my breakfast
And corn liquor at lunchtime
And wine with my dinner
And crown when I close my eyes
Yeah baby since you left me
Guess I drink's a little
Baby you use your crutch
And I’ll use mine

There you are in the bar with your friends
They circle around you as if wagons were chairs
But I’m ready this time
Baby you use your crutch and I’ll use mine


Words and music by
Stephen Simmons
Track Name: I Don't Like You Too

I don’t like springtime when the days get long
I don’t like sweet and easy to sing along songs
And I don’t like that life ends too soon
In fact I don’t like anything you do
And I don’t like you too

I don’t like cookouts with the family in the summertime
Dog’s and cold beer, and the water in the lake is just right
And I don’t like drinking my Grandma’s sweet tea cause it hurts my tooth when I do
In fact I don’t like anything you do
And I don’t like you too

I don’t like how the leaves turn in the fall
Don’t like how the nights get so cool and calm
I don’t like football cause I never was any good in school
In fact I hate everything about you
Cause I don’t like you too

And I don’t like that things keep changing
Just one-time can’t things stay the same

I don’t like how it feels when you kiss me and it tingles in my toes
And I don’t like how your skin feels so soft this close
And I don’t like that you could make me your fool
In fact I don’t like anything you do
And I don’t like you too

Words and music by
Stephen Simmons
Track Name: Stolen Baby Elephant (Incident at The St. Louis Zoo)

Many deeds have I done
To win a fair lady’s love
Many castles I’ve stormed
Slayed dragons as big as there ever was

I was cocky and brash
No challenge of which this proud Knight was scared
But a baby elephant from the St. Louis Zoo
Was my Maiden’s bizarre double-dog-dare

Now I’m in a Missouri jail
With a sign o’er my cell
“Here lays the low-down, baby elephant thief, sorry as Hell
They say I like big ears and long tails
Trunks, and the Elephant Man himself
No jury believed that I fell
Under an elephant crazy young Maiden’s spell

If you love me you’ll find a way
Or don’t come back to this house
If you come back sans my sweet pet you’ll sleep on the couch

Shed no tear for me
For I loved 5 whole nights and days
Up till the police finally came
And hauled me and my little floppy eared friend away


Words and music by Stephen Simmons
©copyright secured all rights reserved
Shiny Geode Music, SESAC
Track Name: Okaloosa County

Well Okaloosa County how ya been?
Bet you never thought you’d see me again
Hey there Craig you gonna eat them beans?
If you ain’t would you pass ‘em to me

Drove all night heading for the beach
But son of a bitch it’s outta reach
The girls are too young and I’m a little too old
The ocean looks good, but the water’s too cold

But hey I hope they love me tonight
I’m pouring out my heart and tryin’ to make it rhyme
And hey I hope she holds me tonight
I’m throwing out my best lines and I hope they work this time

There’s a painting of a monkey with a guitar in his hand
In the shack where they house they band
It’s a freaky looking thing when I’m all geeked out
When the herb and the booze are a little too stout


I think it’s ‘bout time we end this song
Yeah Okaloosa County that didn’t take too long
I gotta get a shower and get my drink on
It’s almost show time and I’m still stoned


Words and music by
Stephen Simmons / Dave Coleman
SESAC Shiny Geode Music
©copyright secured all rights reserved
Track Name: Cape of Good Hope

Last night I drove down
To the Cape of Good Hope
Parked my car by the water
Parked my butt on that coast
And I don’t know what makes
A good man go bad
Makes a man full of hope
Lose whatever he had

The stars are all out in their wonderful stead
The man in the moon is scratching his head
Just gonna sit here and suck some a this good hope in
Then I’ll be on my way again

Last night I drove down
To that ole Baffin Bay
But the water was cold
So I had to make haste
Thought this time things were different
Thought my luck had changed
But ain’t no ships in this harbor
None for me anyways

The stars are all out in their wonderful stead
The man in the moon is scratching his head
I’m just gonna sit here in my baffling state
Then again I’ll be on my way

Last night I drove down
To the king of the Great Lakes
But something so Superior
Was hard for a little guy like me to take
Well the Earth’s three-fourths water
My teacher said in eighth grade
And there’s an ounce of water
For everyone of my mistakes

The stars are all out in their wonderful stead
The man in the moon is scratching his head
I’m just gonna sit here feel this stiff lake wind
Then I’ll be on my way again

Words and music by Stephen Simmons
Track Name: Everything's Just Right

Drivers in Atlanta
Make me crazy
Coffee when it's luke warm
Ain't got no flavor

But everything's just right about you
Yeah everything's just right about you

Drive thru's when it's all wrong
Just makes you feel screwed
Polk salad if it's cooked wrong
They say can kill you

But everything's just right about you
Yeah everything's just right about you

Music in the wrong key
Can make you wanna smack your Granny
Ball-games when it's cold out
Are better on the T.V.

But everything's just right about you
Yeah everything's just right about you

Sad songs when they're sung right
Will make you grab your hanky
Little ones when they're cranky
Will make you not want babies

But everything's just right about you
Yeah everything's just right about you

But a good song and a stiff drink
Would make you high-five Satan
But I'm sure that would probably
Piss off your Maker

But everything's just right about you
Yeah everything's just right about you

words & music by Stephen Simmons
© Shiny Geode Music / SESAC

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